Tough Days, Take Two

I wrote up a nice long blog post last night about one of my boys and the tough day he had, and about how hard it is fitting in and finding your way in the world when you're his age. I wrote about how sometimes other kids aren't nice to us, and that some days, it seems that the whole world is turning against us. About how the good things like being told by your classmates that you're a fantastic soccer player, or being one of only a few kids invited to a birthday party can be forgotten with one unkind or thoughtless word from someone who you thought was your friend. How, when it's only the second day of swim practice, and you haven't been swimming since August and you're a little out of practice, it seems that you must be the worst swimmer on the entire team.

This morning, having a little bit more free time since the preschool kids are finished, I had that post open in a Word file and was finishing it when the subject of the post walked up behind me to ask me a question and happened to see what the blog post was about, and wasn't too happy about it. I asked him if he wanted to read it and he said no, and I said I wouldn't publish it if he didn't want me to and he said please don't. I hope he won't mind that I gave you all an abbreviated version. I was feeling pretty downcast last night, actually; when your child comes home and says, "What's wrong with me? Why am I such a loser?" it's heartbreaking.

This week we had the last days of preschool. We had end-of-the-year parties, and parents came in to help celebrate the kids' "graduation" to the four-year-old class. The teachers painstakingly put together awards, progress reports, goodie bags, and scrapbooks (this is why I've been silent here for a while) for the kids to remind them of the fun year they had. It's been a bittersweet couple of days for me personally; a few parents asked if I would be teaching next year, and reluctantly I had to tell them no. I've loved working at our parish preschool, and had been looking forward to implementing some new ideas I had for next year, but our director wanted a teacher who would teach all three classes of three-year-olds (two classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays) That would have left me with only two half-days free per week, and I would have as many as forty-two students. As much as I would love to, I don't feel that I'm ready to tackle what would essentially be a full-time job. Not yet. Teaching one Tuesday-Thursday class and serving as an aide in one Monday, Wednesday, Friday class was a nice balance for me. I did have an interview for a job that would be exciting and fun to do (and I would be working with someone I've worked with before and would love to work with again), and expect I'll find out something about that sometime in the next week or two. (I'll give you more details about it once I find out whether or not I get the job.) If I'm not t hired I'll probably be doing what I did last year, which was substituting at the Catholic school a couple of days a week (and hopefully at the preschool too), volunteering, attending our Friday Mom's Group meetings at church, and enjoying a flexible schedule. That is something to look forward to as well, and I figure it's a win-win either way.

Today I have thank-you notes to write and groceries to buy and laundry to wash and fold and I'm going to try and work in my preschool classroom for a little while and try and get some things organized. Since Easter I've been reading a chapter a day of Rick Warren's book, The Purpose-Driven Life, and I've got nearly thirty pages on my computer of thoughts I've written down in response to the challenges and questions that Rick has presented me with. I'm almost finished with it, and I'm hoping to share some of the things I've learned about myself (I'm not a navel-gazer, so this will be a challenge) and some ideas that I've gained that might help me fulfill God's purpose for my life, whatever it is. (I'm not sure I've quite figured it out, actually. And I'm forty-three years old.) Over the next few days I'm hoping to get back over to my other blog, Cooking Nick's Books, and assure my readers there (sadly very few but growing slowly, I think) that I haven't forgotten about them, and that I'm working on some cooking projects to post there very soon.

It's Ascension Thursday; I think I'll go to Mass, even though officially we celebrate it on Sunday in our diocese. Have a blessed day, everyone!