Sunday Comics: Kids and the Bible

Recently the catechists in our parish had our summer training session. We were given a handout of quotes that kids from an actual Catholic elementary school had written. I don't know where they originated, but they are hilarious! Enjoy!

-In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

-Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

-Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

-The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

-Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

-Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

-The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

-The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

-Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

-The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

-David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

-Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

-When Mary heard that she was teh mother of Jesus, she sant the Magna Carta.

-When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

-Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

-Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

-It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

-The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.